Welcome to my soap box

I try to stay away from my soap box, I’m not a person who releases my frustration on the world through social media. I’m a firm believer in “to each his own”. As long as your decisions are not affecting me then they are your decisions alone to make. Recently a “friend” on facebook came out as bisexual. I imagine the power it took to do that was hard to muster up. I went to high school with this person and during those times that person was very outspoken and not scared to voice their opinions about anything, so this newly found sexuality kind of surprised me. Again let me reiterate, to each his own, I have no problem with anyone’s sexuality because that is your cross to bear not mine. However when every post becomes focused on the fact that anyone who doesn’t support LGBT is the the worst person on earth, I start becoming less empathetic. I imagine that it is frustrating to live a life many people don’t acknowledge or condon however that is their right to CHOOSE to support it or not. By judging those people you are placing yourself in the same position as them. You are doing exactly what you are mad at them for doing.

I strongly feel that this is one of the wicked reasons this world has become such as scary place. Instead  of respecting the fact that everyone is entitled to their opinion, people tend to take a side and spend all of their time and energy proving how their side is right and the other side is wrong. I personally am a deeply rooted christian, we fill our home with God’s love. I by no means feel that people who do not believe in God are any less of a human being than I am. However many of those people that I give respect to will judge me for my faith. For me, judgement of others doesn’t impact how I live my life, I will still choose what is best for me and my family. This doesn’t mean that those judgements don’t leave an impression on me.

My challenge for myself and others is to try to stop yourself when you begin to judge others for their choices or opinions. At the end of the day whether you agree with it or not everyone is entitled to their opinions, who am I to make judgements. Wake up everyday and do what you feel in your heart is the right thing. If you can do this than those judgements will just melt away!

Girl Brain

Ladies, we are all guilty of it……that mind frame that causes us to be presumptuous and down right self sabotaging. I for one am guilty of this more often than not, and while in girl brain I feel fully justified in my actions……then I step back for a moment and see the bigger picture. I see that it makes me selfish and spoiled, I see that I feel that whoever my girl brain is targeting should bend to my will or they are doing me wrong. Then I see how self absorbed this is.

If you aren’t familiar with girl brain, it’s when something burros it’s way into our minds, plays on our emotions and distorts reality. For me recently it’s been this nagging voices that tells me my boyfriend doesn’t consider me a priority because he has been busier at work than usual. As an outsider you may be having several different thoughts, one may be that he is only saying he has been busier but realy just does not want to be tied down by our relationship…..THAT’S GIRL BRAIN!! unless your certain that it’s going down like that never make assumptions. Girl brain feeds on assumptions and only gets stronger from them.

Girl brain can be useful, don’t get me wrong, it helps us self preserve in the right situations. However when the situation you are in has never given you reason to question or expect the worst ( like no lies within the last 3 years as in my situation) girl brain does nothing but shoot us in the foot.

So how do we stop girl brain? The jury is still out and I fully plan to market my cure once I discover it! But as for now I feel the best way to avoid girl brain is stay true to yourself. I find that when I try to act like a cold jerk my girl brain picks up on it and takes residence inside my mind until it’s job of screwing me over is complete. I’m a caring person, if someone I love has a bad day I want to hear about it so I can be that comfort or support for them, but society tells me that I should be put first no matter what, so instead of worrying about my loved ones busy day, I complain that he didn’t talk to me enough through out the day.

Girls, Don’t play into what society says your relationships should be. No relationship is “ideal”, but if that person makes you happy and makes you the best version of yourself, work hard for it, put all your eggs in that basket without being terrified of failing. Life will happen one way or another, it’s just a matter of if your going to take the time to enjoy it or let girl brain make you miserable throughout the course of it.


The extinction on consideration

A lot of times I feel like people are mean or hateful, I get my feelings hurt, maybe shed a tear or two and continue to wonder why. Reports of bullying increase daily and more people, kids and adults alike, feel inferior, inadequate or worthless. Its an awful feeling to truely believe in your heart that the world wouldn’t miss you…..no one should feel that way. The more I think about it though, the more I wonder if maybe the act of consideration is fading day by day. For example, when I see someone is behind me at the store I take the time to hold the door open. More often than not people will disregard everyone else and walk on into the store. Here’s my theory about it , while I may have emense consideration for others, my expectation for the same consideration in return is setting me up to be hurt. This doesn’t excuse others behaviors but its damn near impossible to change someone els . But I can change my way of thinking. This upset me for a few reasons. I want to have faith in humanity and mankind but its not possible to have absolutely no expectations and still keep that hope alive. The other reason this theory concerns me is , when did it become acceptable to project your misery or talk down to others. It may be the way I was raised but in my family you never took your aggression out on someone else just to feel better, especially if they were not the source of the aggression. Although I have this theory it will never change the fact that I will continue to have consideration for others. That’s the way my mother raised me, to always have compassion and be understanding of others situation. While I realize everyone is brought up differently I still strongly believe that blaintly being rude, hateful or selfish is in most situations uncalled for.

#selfworth #fillothersbucket

“No matter how much falls on us, we keep plowing ahead. That’s the only way to keep the roads clear.”

hit the nail on the head

Stacy Westfall Horseblog

“No matter how much falls on us, we keep plowing ahead. That's the only way to keep the roads clear.” %0A― Greg Kincaid

Ever have one of those days when you just feel like you are ‘plowing’ through? I guess this quote sums it up…or at least I hope it does. I know when these days happen to me I find it difficult to see the point, I just have to have faith that something good is going to come out of it:)

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When is enough, enough?

It’s in our nature as humans to be self centered and focused on “me, myself and I”. However there are certain people in this world that put themselves second and tend to get heart broken because of it. On the bright side of the matter these people tend to make great health care providers, they are nurturers at heart and have the world to give to others in need. On the less bright side, they put themselve in the line of fire everyday. I happen to be one of those people.

Starting from childhood I always tried to be a “helper” some saw it as sucking up or being teachers pet but I saw it as being helpful, being useful. The word “No” was not used in my vocabulary very often and even if I was busy I would take on even more tasks.

This has followed me into adulthood, which is much more complicated than handing snack out after nap time. I currently work in an Emergency Room, which for people like me could be a dream job or a daily nightmare. I feel that I always uphold the rights of the patients and families I work with, after all I’m a patient advocate so it’s literally in my job title. What people don’t see is the emotional baggage that comes along with this job. Every mother I sit with after losing their child, every wife I sit with after becoming a widow, it sticks with me, it makes an impression. I don’t let it consume me but I let it change me to better myself and appreciate life more. That being said it’s also exhausting to be a part of these tragedies day after day. It’s even worse when there is no support from the leaders in your work environment.

People come the the ER at the most vulnerable times in their life, it’s my job to easy the chaos as much as possible, but by easing others chaos it gets transferred into my already hectic life. I pride myself on the work I do for our patients, however constant negativity and lack of feedback from supervisors makes wanting to come to work a struggle.

Again this is where my helpful heart gets me in trouble, because I voice my opinions for my patients instead of following the crowd it makes me a target for workplace bullying. No, bullying isn’t just on the play ground, some adults never grow out of the bully role and continue to push others around their whole life. I can handle personal attacks, I brush those off, but when it comes to calling out my work ethic and my devotion to patients I have to draw a line. No one in a managerial position should make their employees feel personally attacked to the point that they feel they have no other option but to put their notice in.month after month, week after week, day after day, I am being called into the office for bogus things while other employees get away with much more.

I took a deep breath and looked at the past two an half years at this job, it began as a position with so much potential. But it has turned into a nightmare that withdraws me from the things I love most in life.

Yes, I realize quitting a job in this economy is very risky. But for once I felt it was necessary to take a stance and show my true worth. Even though I don’t feel that anything with change as a result of me leaving, it’s a huge step for me to see my true potential and the great things I’m capable of if I have the right support behind me.


In that moment we were infinite

I’m a big literary nerd to say the least, I love living in the romance of two fictional characters. Most people are surprised by this because I’m more of a realist than a romantic. But in a world full of confusion, mixed signals, heartache and pain, it’s nice to escape into a happy ending every so often.

The trick to these stories is not getting so wrapped up in them that you begin comparing your life to them. While I would love to be swept away to a glamorous Gatsby party on east egg, the reality settles in, there’s no glamor in getting hitting by drunk men in a bar. But what this reality does do is make you appreciate what you have that much more.

No my prince charming isn’t the best communicator, or always the most romantic, but he is a gentleman and treats me like a queen. That’s more than I can say about a lot of women and the men they actually married.

We’ve been going through some bumpy roads thanks to the evil queen afore mentioned in previous blogs. There have been times where I wish this were a fiction story so what I wished could happen would come true. But wishful thinking gets me nowhere, so being the realistic ray of sunshine I am, I look at what I see. It’s messy and incoherent sometimes, other times its beautiful and hopeful, but no matter what it’s my fairy tale. I’ll never have a love like Romeo and Juliet or Katniss and Peeta. But even those couples faced some pretty serious bumps in the road, actually my problems look more like a fairy tale than any of theirs.

So while I love a great love story, the stories also teach me that love isn’t suppose to be easy, it’s suppose to be hard because the best things in life are worth the fight and the wait. There’s also never going to be a relationship that you can compare to anything else, they’re like snowflakes, all different and all beautiful in their own way.


Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Looking over the the cliff of McAfee’s knob I felt like I could see into the next state. We took in the beauty and inhaled the fresh air then prepared to hike to the camp site. As we set up our accommodations for the night the sun began to dip lower in the sky, the lower it got the quieter the world became. When darkness blanketed the sky there wasn’t a single peep to be heard. I had never felt such serenity and peace as I did that night. Temperatures began to drop but nothing could take away the calm feeling washing over me in the quiet air of the woods. 

Crawling into my sleeping bag I looked up at the stars shining so bright I mistook them for airplanes. Cuddling is virtually impossible in 30 degree weather but huddling close to him I felt safer and more confident in where my life is heading than ever before. Life tends to get busy and some days it takes everything I have to keep focus on the important tasks at hand. But in that moment my happiness felt like the only task that needed tending to. 

We woke up the next more to 27 degrees and the most beautiful sunrise I have ever witnessed, it was like the world was just starting to wake up. We packed out camp and headed back to the real world. The closer we got to the car the more I wished we were back in our sleeping bags away from the hustle of life. 

As humans we tend to get caught up in daily stresses and forget the amazing experiences that we are given. There are certain responsibilities that must be taken care of but if we can bring ourselves back to a state of pure happiness like I was on the mountain life could be a lot more enjoyable.

Mirror mirror on the wall

Today’s world brings a whole new level to hate, judgement, bullying and negativity. Facebook opens your world to anyone who knows how to work a computer. So why do we continue to endulge in the social medias that bring so much unessecary and unwanted drama to our lives.

True to my last post I completely believe fear drives alot of our actions including actions done out of jealousy. Let me tell you a little story……

Once upon a time there was a self sufficent, indepedant, brave princess. She was being courted by a kind, compassionate, adventurous prince, and thus far they were living happily ever after. Until the evil queen voiced her opinion where it was not asked for. The evil queen sat at her computer screen summoning up photos and tagged posts of the princess. Jealousy in her eyes she took her rage out on the prince hoping to persuade him against his princess. What the evil queen didnt realize was that the princess was more cunning than the queen thought. The princess deactivated the facebook portal and put an end to the queeens creeping sessions.

The Princess knew this wasnt the end of the queens jealous rampage to rid the princes world of the princess, but for now she broke the queens connections to her.

We easily forget how mortal we are, we willingly put our lives on the internet for anyone to search. Yes there are privacy settings but those settings can only protect you to a certain extent. While the princess was in no immediate danger, the queens actions reminded her how easy it is to be stalked when you make your life an open book.

Twitter,Instagram,Facebook,Vine, Tumblr, and other various social medias allow just about anyone into our life, there are bound to be haters and jealous people, the important thing to remember s it’s our life not theirs and as long as your happy with what your doing those negative people have no room to place judgements. And when they do it’s up to us to remember it’s out of their fear and insecurities that they are acting on.

There’s nothing to fear but fear itself

A lot of decisions heart ache in the world are based upon is caused by fear: divorce,war,abortion, murder, suicide. The Fear can genereate from several different places but a lot of time it gerenates from the past (fear of history repeating) and from the future (fear of the unknown).  I’m just as guilty of living in these fears as the next person but I’ve worked so hard over the past year to control the fear instead of letting it control me. I have a hard time understanding why people let potentially wonderful things be ruined by a fear of something they can’t possibley predict.

Insecurities draw from fears, I feel thats why the word monogomy has become a myth in modern day society. People are so scared to end up alone they can’t put all there trust/love/happiness/life into one persons hands for fear that the one person may crush them. But what if we could see into the future and we saw tha one person still standing strong beside us in old age, we would regret all the time we wasted holding back and letting fear control our lives.

Every choice we make ripples and affects more than just ourselves, so when we let these fears take over our lives, it can disrupt the lives of those that we care about the most, pushing them further away from us when we really need them to be closer than ever.

So how do we keep the waters calm and stop creating waves, theres no exact remedy or formula to follow. The best way to be happy and beat the fear is to live in the moment, the minute to minute days, months and years. The only way to beat the fear is to conquer it by facing it every step of the way. I live every day trying to be rational and clear headed, every so often fear trips me up and I stumble but instead of getting caught up in the damage I grow above it so I can jump that hurdle if it ever approaches me again.

Men are from Mars Womem are from Venus

We’ve all heard of the book “men are from mars women are from venus” , I always though this book was bogus until a good friend of mine suggested it. I read a few chapters and my mind was blown. The more I travel down this relationship path the more I realize how different men and women really think. For example my prince charming fell asleep early one night and I didnt get to talk to him, no big deal really but if it were me that was to fall asleep early I would call him when I realized I was getting sleepy. Simple things as that can become misconstrewed into a huge misunderstanding.

Relationships aren’t necessarily about understanding each other but being able to put yourself in your partners shoes. We all go through different experiences in life that help to shape our perceptions on every aspect of the world, relationships included. For me I was taught growing up that if you told someone you were going to do something you did it or let them know in a timely manor that you werent going to do it. Going back to the prince falling asleep early, in my eyes he said he was going to call and didnt do so, thats inconsiderate. But because I understand that everyone sees the world through different eyes I didnt blow it into something it didnt need to be.

I’m not saying that we dont all swerve to miss the high road sometimes and act like children but why waste time accusing and assuming when you could spend time growing and loving. Arguements happen thats a give in with any relationship but dont be defensive and try to see where your partner stands, as well as show them where you stand and why you stand there. Communication is key.

I’ve recently learned if your partner isnt meeting your needs and your happiness tank is running low then you need to speak up. Most likely they don’t even realize they arent meeting that need. For example, typically I’m not a cheesy, romantic, kind of girl, but occasionally when the chaos that is my life gets overwhleming it would be nice to hear some sweet encouraging words without having to prompt it.

A lot of miscommunication seems to run on the fear of losing the relationship but the reality is if your needs ends the relationship it was never right for you to begin with, unless your needs are louis vitton bags and range rovers, then your just being greedy.

All little girls are raised on the fantasy of disney princesses. Cinderlla walked on broken glass, Aurora let a whole lifetime pass, Jasmine married a common thief, Ariel walked on land for love, Snow White barely escaped a knife, because love means facing your biggest fears.

Love is an adventure and with it come conflict, you have to know if your ready to face that conflict.