When is enough, enough?

It’s in our nature as humans to be self centered and focused on “me, myself and I”. However there are certain people in this world that put themselves second and tend to get heart broken because of it. On the bright side of the matter these people tend to make great health care providers, they are nurturers at heart and have the world to give to others in need. On the less bright side, they put themselve in the line of fire everyday. I happen to be one of those people.

Starting from childhood I always tried to be a “helper” some saw it as sucking up or being teachers pet but I saw it as being helpful, being useful. The word “No” was not used in my vocabulary very often and even if I was busy I would take on even more tasks.

This has followed me into adulthood, which is much more complicated than handing snack out after nap time. I currently work in an Emergency Room, which for people like me could be a dream job or a daily nightmare. I feel that I always uphold the rights of the patients and families I work with, after all I’m a patient advocate so it’s literally in my job title. What people don’t see is the emotional baggage that comes along with this job. Every mother I sit with after losing their child, every wife I sit with after becoming a widow, it sticks with me, it makes an impression. I don’t let it consume me but I let it change me to better myself and appreciate life more. That being said it’s also exhausting to be a part of these tragedies day after day. It’s even worse when there is no support from the leaders in your work environment.

People come the the ER at the most vulnerable times in their life, it’s my job to easy the chaos as much as possible, but by easing others chaos it gets transferred into my already hectic life. I pride myself on the work I do for our patients, however constant negativity and lack of feedback from supervisors makes wanting to come to work a struggle.

Again this is where my helpful heart gets me in trouble, because I voice my opinions for my patients instead of following the crowd it makes me a target for workplace bullying. No, bullying isn’t just on the play ground, some adults never grow out of the bully role and continue to push others around their whole life. I can handle personal attacks, I brush those off, but when it comes to calling out my work ethic and my devotion to patients I have to draw a line. No one in a managerial position should make their employees feel personally attacked to the point that they feel they have no other option but to put their notice in.month after month, week after week, day after day, I am being called into the office for bogus things while other employees get away with much more.

I took a deep breath and looked at the past two an half years at this job, it began as a position with so much potential. But it has turned into a nightmare that withdraws me from the things I love most in life.

Yes, I realize quitting a job in this economy is very risky. But for once I felt it was necessary to take a stance and show my true worth. Even though I don’t feel that anything with change as a result of me leaving, it’s a huge step for me to see my true potential and the great things I’m capable of if I have the right support behind me.



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