There’s nothing to fear but fear itself

A lot of decisions heart ache in the world are based upon is caused by fear: divorce,war,abortion, murder, suicide. The Fear can genereate from several different places but a lot of time it gerenates from the past (fear of history repeating) and from the future (fear of the unknown).  I’m just as guilty of living in these fears as the next person but I’ve worked so hard over the past year to control the fear instead of letting it control me. I have a hard time understanding why people let potentially wonderful things be ruined by a fear of something they can’t possibley predict.

Insecurities draw from fears, I feel thats why the word monogomy has become a myth in modern day society. People are so scared to end up alone they can’t put all there trust/love/happiness/life into one persons hands for fear that the one person may crush them. But what if we could see into the future and we saw tha one person still standing strong beside us in old age, we would regret all the time we wasted holding back and letting fear control our lives.

Every choice we make ripples and affects more than just ourselves, so when we let these fears take over our lives, it can disrupt the lives of those that we care about the most, pushing them further away from us when we really need them to be closer than ever.

So how do we keep the waters calm and stop creating waves, theres no exact remedy or formula to follow. The best way to be happy and beat the fear is to live in the moment, the minute to minute days, months and years. The only way to beat the fear is to conquer it by facing it every step of the way. I live every day trying to be rational and clear headed, every so often fear trips me up and I stumble but instead of getting caught up in the damage I grow above it so I can jump that hurdle if it ever approaches me again.

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Men are from Mars Womem are from Venus

We’ve all heard of the book “men are from mars women are from venus” , I always though this book was bogus until a good friend of mine suggested it. I read a few chapters and my mind was blown. The more I travel down this relationship path the more I realize how different men and women really think. For example my prince charming fell asleep early one night and I didnt get to talk to him, no big deal really but if it were me that was to fall asleep early I would call him when I realized I was getting sleepy. Simple things as that can become misconstrewed into a huge misunderstanding.

Relationships aren’t necessarily about understanding each other but being able to put yourself in your partners shoes. We all go through different experiences in life that help to shape our perceptions on every aspect of the world, relationships included. For me I was taught growing up that if you told someone you were going to do something you did it or let them know in a timely manor that you werent going to do it. Going back to the prince falling asleep early, in my eyes he said he was going to call and didnt do so, thats inconsiderate. But because I understand that everyone sees the world through different eyes I didnt blow it into something it didnt need to be.

I’m not saying that we dont all swerve to miss the high road sometimes and act like children but why waste time accusing and assuming when you could spend time growing and loving. Arguements happen thats a give in with any relationship but dont be defensive and try to see where your partner stands, as well as show them where you stand and why you stand there. Communication is key.

I’ve recently learned if your partner isnt meeting your needs and your happiness tank is running low then you need to speak up. Most likely they don’t even realize they arent meeting that need. For example, typically I’m not a cheesy, romantic, kind of girl, but occasionally when the chaos that is my life gets overwhleming it would be nice to hear some sweet encouraging words without having to prompt it.

A lot of miscommunication seems to run on the fear of losing the relationship but the reality is if your needs ends the relationship it was never right for you to begin with, unless your needs are louis vitton bags and range rovers, then your just being greedy.

All little girls are raised on the fantasy of disney princesses. Cinderlla walked on broken glass, Aurora let a whole lifetime pass, Jasmine married a common thief, Ariel walked on land for love, Snow White barely escaped a knife, because love means facing your biggest fears.

Love is an adventure and with it come conflict, you have to know if your ready to face that conflict.

 

The world spins madly on

Growing up I pictured myself as a world renowned doctor finding cures for things like cancer and AIDS, a little grandiose I know. But when we’re kids no one warns us and prepares us for the bumps and burnt bridges that we comes to along the way. Most of us grow up dreaming that by the time we’re in our mid twenties we will be married with a perfect family, white picket fence, and dream job. The reality is your dream future is what you make of it. 

When I graduated college at 22 I thought by the time I was 25 I would be getting at least my masters degree and moving on to my doctorate. One friend of mine just became the first author on a published article, another friend is one year away from graduating pharmacy school. My oldest brother just got married for the second time and my older brother owns his own house with his girlfriend. As one could imagine being single with a mediocre job and no closer to my masters degree than I was three years ago makes things look a little bleak at times. 

Those bleak times were the inspiration for this blog, because I know I can’t be the only 20- something year old who has moments where I have no idea where my life is headed. That goes for all aspects of my life: career, love, relationships, maturity. Being a grown up is much harder than the pretty picture we were painted as children.

Even as teenagers we have this romanticized outlook on how adulthood should be. We grow up watching shows like Friends or Sex in the City and we think that we will have the best friend for the rest our lives. Truth is friends come and go based on where we are in our lives, for example at this point in my life I feel that going out downtown and getting drunk several times during the week just isn’t for me right now, mostly because the amount of recuperation time needed continues to grow. So right now hanging out with friends who like to party wouldn’t be in the best interest of anyone involved, I would be a party pooper and they would be bad influences.

Love is somethings else that I’ve learned will come when the time is right. We create this fairy tale about how falling in love should happen, like the Disney princesses we wished to be. Again reality will set in, we can’t be open to love until we can stand on our own two feet with nothing left to lose and say “I’m okay”. Once I began growing a serious relationship I realized everything that happened in past relationships happened because I truly wasn’t ready for a real relationship. Love means making compromises and sacrifices and until recently I wasn’t ready to do that for anyone. Yes this lesson came with a lot of heart ache, and things may have been easier if I had known I didn’t want to be serious with any of these potentials but then I wouldn’t have learned what I do want in a serious relationship.

Every decision we make has a risk that goes along with it, if we don’t take risks then we live in fear, either way the world spins madly on.